Profanity in the Workplace

July 26, 2012

Look, I don’t see what the big [flippin] deal is. We all curse – all the time. Stop [bull pooing] about it – you do, they do, we all do. When you’re around your friends having a drink, you curse like a [mother flippin] sailor on shore leave. So why is it not allowed in the work place? Because it offends people. Well you know what? It offends me that I can’t curse! Now I have to spend all my [gosh darn] time tiptoeing around your [flipped] up [bull poo] instead to telling you like it is! That’s not only frustrating, it’s a waste of valuable company resources!

Instead of saying, “Dude, that is the most [flipped] up [poo] that I have ever seen in my entire [gosh darn] career.” I have to say, “Ah, OK. I can see opportunity for improvement here, here, and here. Also, here, and here. And here. Perhaps we can pair up together for a refactoring?” Man, look, I don’t want to pair with you – I’m just saying that to be polite. You have to know I’m being polite. You saw my face twitch when you showed me the 40th method on your 700 line class. You heard my voice crack as I choked out my thinly veiled stream of [bull poo]. You know full well I want to curse you out for being a [dumb bell] in front of your peers, but can’t or else I’ll get fired.

I’m not going to justify my need to curse. Blame it on a poor education that failed to give me an adequately sophisticated vocabulary with which to express myself. I really could give a flying [flip] as to the justification. The fact is, with a curse, you can know exactly where I stand instantly. That saves the company time and money – which is nothing but a good thing. Think of the openness, honesty, and directness that “Your code is all [flipped] up” conveys? [Heck], I’m not even trying to offend you – I’m just calling it like it is. If we can get past this childish notion of not cursing in workplace we can focus on things that matter – like the proper usage of the various inflections of [flip].

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I would like to point out that if we work together today, or have in the past, my opinions may or may not have been influenced by working with you. Most likely they have been, but I have to say that to avoid offending people. You're so vain. I bet you think this site is about you.